Friday 6 May 2016

Feeling all the feels


Deary me. How do I feel in this moment in time? To be honest, today I don't feel too bad. I've given myself this day to rest. But I can tell you I haven't been able to say that for the past few weeks and I won't be saying that the following weeks to come. GCSE's my friend. But the thing is, I know I shouldn't feel as stressed as I do. I mean heck, I ain't doing no A Levels or dissertations in University. However, I still feel the immense pressure that is put upon me by my teachers, my peers, and most of all, myself. Of course, these exams are important, but so is my mental health.

Just thinking about the next few weeks has started giving me a headache.

I'm stuck between collapsing under the workload and trying to be as positive as I can. Being positive is something I'm known for within my friendship group; I try to find the bright side of things and be everyone's cheerleader. But even though I still manage it, oh it is so difficult. Sometimes I feel like snapping and ripping people's head off with my teeth (pleasant), but I still put a smile on my face (or at least settle with my resting bitch face).

Every second of revision I hate, but every second I don't revise is even worse. It's like voices are floating inside my head, eerily whispering "hey Lauren, why aren't you revising? You're going to fail your exams! You don't want that do you?". I want to just grab that voice and dispose of it so I can actually relax, but it doesn't go away. Even now I feel guilty for putting revision to the side. I'm stressed about revising as much as I'm stressed about not revising. *Internal screaming*

But do you know what's funny? I'm pretty sure I'm going to do well. I'm projecting my target grade in every subject, and all of my mock exams are piling up in grade A results. So even though I shouldn't have much too fear, I panic none the less. (a lot more than I should!) It's weird how the brain works.

I feel such a deep guilt inside of me for complaining, because at least I have an education, at least I have a chance for a bright future. There are much worse things going on in this world right and I feel so selfish that I'm constantly thinking about me me me. I should be grateful. I just can't believe it's going to get worse in the years to come.

Let us on a positive note; next week I will have finished high school, knowing that I value my right to an education. I value the fact that females in this country are allowed to learn. Even though I've not exactly enjoyed school, I have made a lot of memories, and have learnt a lot of lessons (pun not intended) and in fact, I am grateful. On May 13th ,I will be free from high school and on June 17th, I will be free from GCSEs.

Now I'm getting emotional.

I've never felt so ready.

How are you feeling recently? I'd love to know!
Lauren xx

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12 comments

  1. I know how you must feel! I went through all of this a year ago, and all I can say to you right now is that it gets better! I know this isn't much of a help, but when I walked out of the last exam I felt so relieved I could cry. Good luck, I'm sure you're going to do well! xx

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    1. Thank you a lot!! It helps more than you think! I'll just take it as each day being closer to the day of the last exam (:
      Lauren xx

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  2. My first exam starts in a week so I know you are feeling, I'm sure it will be easier the less exams we have :). Good luck! xxx
    www.heyitscassxo.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. I wish you the best of luck with your exams!!
      Lauren xx

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  3. Hi! My name is Lydia and I'm also a stress-eating, revision-stressing and extremely tired girl undertaking GCSEs. I related with this post so much- that little voice in my head that makes revision brutal but not revising even worse! I recently did a honest post on GCSEs and revision too- if you wanted to read my thoughts. I've just come across your blog today but think it's so interesting and cute! Lydia Eve, www.lydia-eve.blogspot.co.uk xx
    Revision reality: http://lydia-eve.blogspot.co.uk/2016/04/revision-reality.html

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    1. I'll definitely make sure to check your post out! Good luck with your GCSEs!
      Lauren

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  4. This is such a relatable post! I really do feel for you, but I'm glad to hear that you're looking forward to leaving school. You explain how you're the cheerleader of your friendship group, so try your hardest to be the cheerleader for yourself too!! You will do AMAZING and you know deep down that you are going to be just fine. Those thoughts just want to worry you. Do NOT let them win!
    I'm always here if you ever want to talk, my lovely! :)

    Jade xx | simplyjadey.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so so much! I'm really going to try my best, thank you for this lovely comment!!
      Lauren xx

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  5. Reading this felt like I was reading something I wrote myself! I relate to you on all levels and I can't believe everything we've been working up to for the last five years in going to happen in the next month! I'm sure you'll do amazing and good luck with everything. xx

    Kate// katerosexo1.blogspot.com

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    1. thank you so much it means the world! I wish you the best of luck!!
      Lauren xx

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  6. Hey! I know how you feel, I've got my exams next week and I'm dreading them! I suffer from stress which worded around this time of year, and to help others with their revision I've done some tips in a blog post http://the-wonderwhy.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/11-revision-tips.html?m=1 I wish you the best of luck
    - the wonderwhy x

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    1. Good luck with your exams, I'm sure you'll do great! Ill definitely check out your post!!
      Lauren xx

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